Cognitive Dissonance

Thanksgiving week is always a bloated time. Fortunately we went off and stayed at a waterpark for two days. Swimming and climbing stairs for two days is a great change of exercise and a good way to burn off the turkey.

I've started adding basic joint mobility with my stretching, and once the creaks and pops stop, it feels pretty good. I will have to work this into a regular routine.



Week of 11/22/9

Sunday:
    Rest

Monday:
    44# KB Goblet Squats - 3 sets of 5
    35# KB BUP Press - 5 each side
    44# KB Maxercist Rows 5 sets of 3
    44# KB TGU - 3 each side
 
Tuesday:
    Janda Situps   
    Incline situps - 3 sets of 10
    Swiss Ball Crunch 3 sets of 10
    20# Eccentric Curls - 3 sets of 10
    Abs Wheel - 3 sets of 5

Wednesday:
    44# KB Goblet Squats - 4 sets of 5
    35# KB BUP Press - 5 each side
    44# KB Waiters Press - 5 each side
    44# KB Maxercist Rows 5 sets of 4
    44# KB TGU - 2 each side
    35# KB Swings - 3 sets of 10 each hand

Thursday:
    Rest

Friday:
    Swim

Friday:
    Swim

I have taken Cleans & Presses out of my workout for a while, doing some different motions should help me from irritating my elbow, while still getting exercise. I have added Bottoms-Up Presses (BUP ) and Waiters presses, both of which have balance elements, which develops stabilizing muscles as well. This dovetails in with the other PT work I am doing.

I have also started using some herbal anti-inflammatory (Zyflamend), as I don't like taking a lot of Ibuprophen. I also am using some Arnica Gel, which works great. Overall, my elbow feels good, with just some soreness left when I twist it just the right way. (Note: don't do that)

I have hit my 90 days of weight/stats recording on our scale. My bodyfat is almost down to 20%, from 23.5%. I had set a goal of 16% by January, but that seems a little unrealistic. If I can get to 18% I will be impressed.

Week of 11/15/9

Sunday:
    Stretching
    35# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3 Ladders - 5 sets
    35# KB swings - 6 minutes - Sets of 30 - 10 sec rest
    44# KB TGU - 3 each side

Monday:
    Stretching
    35# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3 Ladders - 3 sets
    35# KB snatch 5 each side

Tuesday:
    Incline situps - 3 sets of 10
    Swiss Ball Pushup 3 sets of 10
    44# KB Crush Curls - 3 sets of 10

Wednesday:
    44# KB Goblet Squats - 5 sets of 5
    35# KB BUP Press - 5 each side
    44# KB Waiters Press - 5 each side
    35# KB Maxercist Rows 5 sets of 5
    44# KB TGU - 5 each side
    44# KB Swings - 2 sets of 20

Thursday:
    Incline situps - 3 sets of 10
    Swiss Ball Situps - 2 sets of 10
    Janda situps - 2
    Full Contact Twist - 3 sets of 10
    Saxon Bends - 10

Friday:
    Rest

Wednesday:
    44# KB Goblet Squats - 5 sets of 5
    35# KB BUP Press - 5 each side
    44# KB Waiters Press - 5 each side
    35# KB Maxercist Rows 5 sets of 5
    44# KB TGU - 2 each side
    44# KB Swings - 3 sets of 20

My elbow keeps getting better, but still is a bit sore when I do pulls. I'll try pressing a bit more next week and lay off the pulls. I'm still hoping I gan get back to 44# presses, but taking the extra time to heal is worth it.

Crazy busy week with the scotchfest, Gymnastics meet, and hell on earth at work. I got some extra chin-ups in to try to do a bit more. but some weeks it's tough to workout.

Week of 10/25/9

Sunday:
    Rest

Monday:
    Stretching
    Swiss Ball Pushup 2 sets of 10
    35# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3 Ladders - 5 sets
    35# KB swings - 8 minutes - Sets of 30 - 10 sec rest

Tuesday:
    Stretching
    5 chin-ups

Wednesday:
    Stretching
    Swiss Ball Pushup 2 sets of 10
    35# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3-4 Ladders - 5 sets
    35# KB snatch - 10 each side

Thursday:
    Rest

Friday:
    Rest

Saturday:
    Stretching
    7 chin-ups

My elbow started getting better this week. It is pretty much narrowed down to the tendon on the inside, which is commonly called "Golfers Elbow", as opposed to the tendon on the outside, "Tennis Elbow". The good thing is that I found a few more exercises and stretches that will help improve this, and the pain is still declining.

Next week will probably be more of the same. I won't go back to full heavy lifting until this is fully healed. I'm going to look at adding in more stabilization exercises into my full routine once I am back in full swing. Probably Get-ups and Arm Bars for shoulder strength.

I also have added a few lower stretches like Good Mornings and Hack squats that are really helping with my flexibility. I may have to write everything down into a regular pattern, but that should be no sweat. At least it is all fun.

Week of 10/25/9

Sunday:
    Rest

Monday:
    35# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3-4-5 Ladders - 3 sets
    44# KB Clean & Press - 5 each side
    35# KB swings - 6 minutes
    44# TGU  - 2 each side

Tuesday:
    Rest

Wednesday:
    44# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3-4-5 Ladders - 3 sets
    44# KB Snatch - 10 each side
    44# TGU  - 2 each side

Thursday:
    Stretching

Friday:
    Stretching

Saturday:
    Stretching
    Swiss Ball Pushup 2 sets of 10
    35# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3 Ladders - 5 sets
    35# KB swings - 4 minutes - No rest

Good Recovery this week. Physical Therapy said that I just am using a muscles and tendons in my left arm that I didn't use before, so I did corrective exercises for the week, and just a few lifts on the weekend. No pain in pressing, but I am holding on pulls until next week.

Week of 10/25/9

Sunday:
    Rest

Monday:
    Physical Therapy Appt.
    Swiss Ball Pushup 3 sets of 10
    15# Palm-down Curls 3 sets of 15
    35# KB TGU - 4 each side

Tuesday:
    Rest

Wednesday:
    Swiss Ball Pushup 3 sets of 10
    15# Palm-down Curls 3 sets of 15
    35# KB TGU - 5 each side

Thursday:
    Rest

Friday:
    Physical Therapy Appt.
    Rest

Saturday:
    Swiss Ball Pushup 3 sets of 10
    15# Palm-down Curls 3 sets of 5
    35# KB Clean & Press 1-2-3 Ladders - 3 sets
    35# KB swings - 5 minutes

Started out this week really sore, and tired. Also with some pain in my left elbow, so I took extra rest days, and decided to make this the big drive to make my 5-5 ladder goal. I did it, but I'm beat.

Next week will be a rest week. Lighter exercise for recovery, and to rest my sore elbow. I actually saw a Physical Therapist at the Pro Club and I have an irritated tendon in my left arm, he gave me a few corrective exercises, and that will be the bulk of next week.

Week of 10/18/9

Sunday:
    Rest

Monday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 5 sets
    44# KB Snatch - 8 minutes (45 each side total)

Tuesday:
    Rest

Wednesday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3-4 Ladders - 5 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 50 w/rest for 8 minutes total

Thursday:
    Rest

Friday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3-4-5 Ladders - 5 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 25 (no rest) for 3 minutes total

Saturday:
    Rest

Nothing special of note this week. Trying to focus on keeping form and breathing. This work can be pretty tiring and if I don't consciously breathe correctly- I run out of steam pretty quick.

My pull ups are improving. I can hit 5 clean chin ups in a row, now I need to work on regular pull ups as well. I actually had to start eating more this week, I noticed that I was getting low on energy in general. Good sign for my metabolism.

Week of 10/11/9

Sunday:
    Rest

Monday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 5 sets
    44# KB Snatch - 6 minutes (30 each side total)

Tuesday:
    Full Contact Twist - 3 sets of 10 - 35# plate
    Janda Situps
    35# KB Hot Potato 4 sets of 10

Wednesday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 5 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 25 w/rest for 7 minutes total

Thursday:
    44# KB Crush Curls 5 sets of 5
    Janda Situps
    Full Contact Twist - 3 sets of 10 - 40# plate
    35# KB Hot Potato 5 sets of 10

Friday:
    Rest

Saturday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Maxercist Row 1-2-3 Ladders - 5 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 50 w/rest for 5 minutes total

Aside from getting sick in the middle of the week, it was pretty good. I'm following the ladder progression for the lifts as outlined in the ETK book that I have been using as my main workout guide. This week added another set of the three step ladder. after 5 sets, I go back to three sets, but with 4 steps on the ladder. Once I hit 5 of 5 (in about 6 weeks), then I go up the next size Kettlebell, which would be 24 KG or 1.5 Pood (52 pounds to the Americans) and start at 3 of 3 again.

I keep swapping things around on the variety days, partly for fun, and partly to fill in gaps for whatever I feel I need to work on a bit more. Mostly it is Abs exercises, since Ab strength is what protects you most from injury. The Janda situps are damn near impossible so far, so I may pick up an abs wheel to help strengthen some of my weaker muscles there. I have been avoiding regular situps since the tighten your hip flexors, which I am trying to stretch out. Welcome to the fun of opposing muscle groups.

I should note that all of my transient lower back pain is gone since starting this workout. From what I read a lot of lower back pain is the muscles in your back fighting against your hip flexors, which get really tight if you sit on your butt a lot. Loosening those muscles lets your back get on with it's regular job of support. KB swings are great at strengthening the lower back along with legs and glutes. Work on your abs to round your core out, and you are a lot less likely to tweak your back at random times. Or at least it has worked for me.

Week of 10/4/9

Sunday:
    Rest

Monday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 4 sets
    44# KB Snatch - 7 minutes (35 each side total)

Tuesday:
    Full Contact Twist - 3 sets of 10 - 35# plate
    Janda Situps
    35# KB Hot Potato 4 sets of 10

Wednesday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Maxercist Row 1-2-3 Ladders - 4 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 50 w/rest for 8 minutes total

Thursday:
    Sick. Rest.

Friday:
    44# KB Crush Curls 4 sets of 5
    Janda Situps
    Full Contact Twist - 2 sets of 10 - 35# plate
    44# KB Goblet Squat 4 sets of 5

Saturday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 4 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 25 w/rest for 6 minutes total

This week I added Janda Situps, and the Full Contact Twist into my rotation on Variety days. These are great abs exercises that don't take a lot of time. Overall, I have been trying to keep the time to workout at less than 30 minutes per day, and most of these days this week were closer to 25 minutes. That's easy enough to get into any schedule.

For some reason, I had several people this week tell me that "oh, you use kettlebells, so you must be doing Crossfit!" And the answer is, no. I have issues with Crossfit, probably the biggest one being that they really don't base their workouts on anything but wearing yourself out. All Crossfit is is a program of circuit training, which is nothing really new, but it is marketed really well. One of my other problems with Crossfit, is since there are no coaching standards in the Crossfit gyms, the workout one gets is totally dependent on what the coach, or what you bring to it. The quality varies wildly. That's what leads to so many injuries. I mentioned Crossfit to Sasha's Physical Therapist and she said that they get a lot of business from Crossfit folks. She did not recommend it.

I'm seeing much better results for myself with these simpler, shorter strength exercises (and with practicing the breathing, lifting, and safety techniques that I get from Pavel's books) than I ever did when working out at the gym for much longer periods. But hey, YMMV. If I feel like throwing in some circuit work, I pick something off of Gym Jones. Mark Twight from GJ actually quotes from the 1950's era coaching manuals where a lot of these circuit workouts come from. It's an interesting read. But I have several more weeks of working on a foundation of basics before I do anything more advanced. As I said before, I'd rather not get injured.

Week of 9/27/9

Sunday:
    44# KB Swings - 5 sets of 30 w/active rest
    44# KB TGU - 4 each side
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 3 sets

Monday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 3 sets
    44# KB Snatch - 10 each side - 2 sets

Tuesday:
    Pistols - 5 each side
    Janda Situps

Wednesday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Pullup 1-2-3 Ladders - 3 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 25 w/rest - 6 minutes total
    Janda Situps

Thursday:
    Full Contact Twist - 3 sets of 10 - 25# plate
    Janda Situps

Friday:
    44# KB Clean & Press + Maxercist Row 1-2-3 Ladders - 3 sets
    44# KB swings - sets of 50 w/rest for 4 minutes total

Saturday:
    44# KB Crush Curls 3 sets of 5
    Janda Situps
    Full Contact Twist - 3 sets of 10 - 25# plate
    35# KB Hot Potato 3 sets of 10

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Teddy Roosevelt

Moved up a Kettlebell size this week. I can really tell the difference. I've been reading some more on nutrition and flexibility. Generally I've noticed that the ballistic nature of kettlebell work has by shoulders and arms feeling much more flexible than when I was doing weights alone. That's good because a great way to get injured is to lose flexibility.

I think I need to start doing more pistols in my off days since they are pretty slow and low impact, (working the legs) and because I suck at them. We shall see. I also took a focus this week on form, which I can tell is improving, since new stuff is sore. Got down to 216 pounds this week, before my two wine dinners brought me back to 218. Nuts.

Week of 9/20/9

Sunday:
    Rest + KB form practice

Monday:
    KB form practice
    35# KB Swings - 5 sets of 20 w/active rest
    35# KB TGU - 3  each side
    35# KB Clean & Press - 5  each side
    35# KB snatch - 5  each side
    35# KB Tactical Lunge - 3 minutes
    35# KB Crush Curls 3 sets of 5
    35# KB Maxercist Row 3 sets of 5 - each side

Tuesday:
    Pullups - 4 sets of 2  - GTG

Wednesday:
    KB form practice
    Pullups - 3 sets of 2  - GTG
    44# KB swings - 5 sets of 20 w/active rest
    44# KB TGU - 3 each side
    44# KB Clean & Press 2 sets of 3 - each side
    44# KB Snatch - 2 each side
    44# KB Crush Curls 3 sets of 5
   
Thursday:
    44# KB Crush Curls 3 sets of 5
    44# KB Maxercist Row 3 sets of 5 - each side
    35# KB Hot Potato 3 sets

Friday:
    Rest

Saturday:
    Rest

Tough week to get anything done. Things were so busy that I was literally squeezing in anything when I could. Sasha has been going to Physical Therapy for knee pain for two weeks, and has a set of exercises as well. She has been pretty good at following them, so I'm proud of her.

I have been reading the Kettlebell book by Pavel Tsatsouline, and starting some of those drills and exercises. I also found two more of his books at the used book store, which helps since he cross references the books for various techniques. I really like his sections on core and abs exercises, since weak core causes a lot of problems in working out, and in regular life. Since I have had back pain before, these should help with that.

I'm down another pound or two. And according to the Dalai Lama, I will have total consciousness on my deathbed. So I have that going for me.

Week of 9/13/9 - Workout Blog

Sunday

Rest + KB form practice

Monday

35# KB Swings - 5 sets of 20 w/active rest
35# KB TGU - 5 each side
35# KB Clean & Press - 5 each side - 3 sets
35# KB snatch - 5 each side - 3 sets

Tuesday

5 pushups - 3 sets
5 Pistols - 3 sets
2 Pull-ups - 3 sets

Wednesday

Pull-up ladders 1-2-3 - 2 sets
35# KB Swing 30 2-handed, 20 single-handed (each hand) - 2 sets
35# KB TGU - 5 each side
KB form practice

Thursday

Rest

Friday

10 box squats 35# KB Swings w/active rest - 12 minutes
35# KB TGU - 3 each side - 5 minutes
35# KB C&P/Pull-up ladders 1-2-3
35# KB Snatch - 6 each side
20# Dumbbell Man makers - 3 sets of 5 - 7.5 minutes

Saturday

Tar Heels Medicine Ball 200 - 11 minutes
Rest

At the beginning of August, our friend Jenny gave Yulia and I a pile of her old boyfriend's workout equipment. She is moving, and is getting rid of anything she can. Yulia and I were talking just the week before on how lousy it was that we didn't make better use of the space in the office off of our bedroom. One of the comments that she made was it would be nice to have a space to workout at home in. Well, with Jenny offering a bunch of equipment, this seemed like a great chance to change something for the better.

I got a curling bar, plates, and a bench from Jenny. I took the easy chair out of the office, and moved the equipment into that corner. Then I went around the house and collected all the random home equipment that we had, which included a few light dumbbells, elastic straps for stretching, and a swiss ball. I went to the store and picked up a 12 pound medicine ball, and some dumbbell handles for the smaller plates. We also got a pull-up bar for the closet.

I went online to Menshealth.com and downloaded a bunch of exercise plans, and tried to figure out how to make a set of workouts based on what we have. After doing that for 4 weeks, I didn't lose any weight, but dropped 2% body fat and gained 2% more muscle (according to our scale, which electronically measures that.)

Now, I have started adding kettlebell exercises as well, with a 35 pound kettlebell, and have more workouts added from ideas I got from Gymjones.com. Yulia got the P90x program, which includes a diet plan and 12 exercise DVDs. I tried a few and they are tough!

Having the ability to do this at home, and not run to the gym all the time is fantastic. Having equipment staring at you from the corner is fantastic for motivation, and with this here, the whole family gets involved. I added a corkboard to post plans for everyone. Feeling healthy for myself is good, but doing it with the whole family is even better. This is what I did this week:

Workout Blog Week of 9/7/9

Sunday

• Rest

Monday

• 35# KB Swings - 4 sets of 20 w/active rest
• 35# KB TGU - 4 each side
• 25# Dumbbell Man Makers 3 sets of 4

Tuesday

• P90X Yoga X - 1.5 hours

Wednesday

• 35# KB Swings - 20
• 35# KB High Pull - 3 each side
• 35# KB Clean/Press - 4 Each side
• 35# KB TGU - 2 each side
• 25# Dumbbell Pec Fly - 3 sets of 7
• 25# Dumbbell Military Press - 3 sets of 7
• 25# Dumbbell Chest Press - 3 sets of 7
• 30# Dumbbell Bent Row - 3 sets of 8
• 30# Dumbbell Bicep Curls - 3 sets of 7
• 35# KB Triceps extension - 3 sets of 10
• 20# Dumbbell Man Makers - 3 sets of 5

Thursday

• 30 min Treadmill - intervals HR 148/120BPM

Friday

• Medicine Ball - Tar Heels 400 - time 21 minutes

Saturday

• Rest

Not bad for an old man.

Most of the first day was assembling my desk, getting the laptop put together and seeing that everything worked, and generally using both hands and a map to find my own ass. We had some external modems to dial into a local internet provider, but the fastest they could go over the scratchy Russian telephone lines was 2400 Baud. Enough for text email, and some Usenet. The laptops had internal modems as well, but we were warned against using them, as power surges in the Russian lines was common, and you would rather burn out an external modem than risk damaging the whole laptop.

At the end of the day, we packed up our gear, and Shane recommended that we go to a local Indian Restaurant that he knew of.

"Indian?" I was surprised, "why not Russian food?"

Shane replied, "It's actually kinda hard to find Russian food in Moscow. Russians really don't go out to eat much, and when they do, it's for something other than what they can make at home. Indian is pretty popular right now, and I know of the best places."

"How so?"

Shane continued, "I'm actually a travel writer. I just finished a bunch of reporting for the new Moscow edition and then I got hired on here." Shane handed me a white book, a bound draft copy of his Moscow travel guide.

"Cool," I offered him the book back, but he waved his hand to show me to keep it. "Thanks, but I thought you were a programmer?"

Shane laughed. "No, pretty much none of us here are that technical, that's why you guys are here. Anyways, let's get going, we can meet a friend of mine there." Shane snapped his fingers, "I almost forgot! Irina! can we get some Perdiem?"

Oh yeah, our contract for this gig included a perdiem for food and expenses of $75/day. Irina came from the central office with a few envelopes.

"It's easier if we give you guys a few days all together. Here's $1,000 each" Irinia handed us each an envelope.

Wow. I looked at the cash in my envelope. I don't think I had ever had $1,000 in cash before. It felt weird. Bob was stuffing some in his computer bag, some in his wallet, some in his sock. I looked at him confused.

Bob looked back, "if I get mugged, I won't lose it all."

Damn genius. I did the same.

We headed down to the car, and the driver was sitting on the hood smoking when we got there. Shane told him the place, and he tossed his cigarette, and got in. We all crammed back into the car and took off out of the parking lot with a lurch. The restaurant was around the other side of the Kremlin, not that far from our hotel, so Shane had him stop back at the hotel first, so we could drop off our gear before going out.

"After dinner, I'll show you guys the best Irish bar in Moscow"

Bob looked over, "Irish Bar?"

Looks like the evening is picking up, I thought. A short while later we pulled in front of a fairly bright restaurant called DEHLI, and piled out of the car. The place sure looked good, and the smell coming out was fantastic. I hadn't had Indian food before, but I liked curry, and the smell of smoke and spices that filled the street in front was terrific. Shane was talking to our driver for a bit, smiled, then our car sped away.

"I told Sasha to that that was it for today, we can taxi around for the rest of the night" Shane walked inside. We all followed. Once inside the smell of spices was intense, with waiters running back and forth carrying huge trays of, well I had no idea, but I was hungry for whatever it was. Across the room, someone was waving at us. "This way!" Shane yelled over to us, already halfway across the room, heading for the guy waving. We followed.

The guys stood up, "Shane, good to see you!" he looked a bit tired and pale, but in good cheer.

Shane introduced us, "Dave, meet the new guys at my office, Mark, Paul, and Bob. Guys, this is Dave. We worked on travel guides together." We all shook hands, smiling. "I'm gald I was able to see you before you left, Dave." Shane looked back at us, "Dave is heading home tomorrow!" Shane had his usual happy enthusiasm.

"Yeah, I'm glad to be heading back," Dave sat down as he talked, "It's been a while."

Paul sat by Dave, "How long have you been here?"

"Three years." Dave took a sip on his beer.

"You guys want anything special, or shall I order? I know the house specials," Shane was flagging a waiter our way.

In unison, Bob and Paul said, "Beer."

I shrugged my shoulders and agreed with the beer part, the rest was up to Shane. Dave looked over at us.

"How long have you guys been here?"

I had to think, "about four days..." things were starting to blur together. I couldn't be sure.

Dave smiled, "What do you think so far?"

Our food and beer arrived, and we talked fora while on what we thought about Moscow in general, the really amazing architecture, artwork, history. How impressive the Metro is, and how strange the bureaucracy of leftover Soviet institutions seem. But overall I ad to say, "It's amazing, I love it here."

"Well," Dave was looking at all three of us, "it will take you thirty days to learn to hate Russia, I mean really hate it. Then another thirty days to love it again. Then you will really be in Russia."

It was the weirdest thing I had ever heard. And I really didn't understand.

Dave continued, smiling, "God, I love meeting people who just got here. You all look so fresh and excited, not gray and beat down buy the pollution and radiation yet." He got up to go, "You guys have fun, enjoy Russia." And he left.

Radiation?

Shane piped up again, "So how about that Irish Bar for more beer?"

After the odd gloom of Dave's last comment, more beer sounded good. We headed out of the Indian place, and went out front to catch a taxi. As we learned from Shane, everyone in Moacow worked as a taxi for extra cash. So you basically waved down any car you could. There was a proper way to do it though, if you just whistled or waved your arms in the air, you got ignored. If you wanted a taxi, you stood at the side of the road with your arm down at about a 45 degree angle, and your palm open. It was weird, but a car stopped right away. Shane leaned in and told the driver were we were going, and they agreed on a rate.

We weren't going too far, The bar was called Rosie O'Grady's and was right across from one of the Kremlin Gate. We were there in just a few minutes, and from the outside it looked like any Irish Bar that you might see, so it really stood out when compared to the gray soviet architecture that surrounded it. It was less like a neighborhood bar and more like an invasion craft sent from Ireland to take over. I expected leprechauns to spill out at any moment.

We went up the stairs and through a big oak door. Everything was brand new, but designed to look like and older Irish bar. Oak bar, polished brass, Gunness and Harp signs and tablewear, the works. I noticed right away that everyone was speaking English, with either American or British accents. I also noticed that there just weren't many Russians here.

I looked over to Shane, "Not a lot of locals, eh?"

"Yeah, considering that the average monthly wage for Russians is about $100, these places are pretty unaffordable. " Shane guided us around and found a table off in the corner. I thought for a second before realizing that our daily perdiem was close to a Russian's monthly salary. Dang. We plunked down and ordered up a couple of pitchers of Guinness and some snacks. It was surprisingly relaxing to be in familiar surroundings, even if they were fake.

As we hit the bottom of the first pitcher, Shane waved a couple of more people our direction. "Mike! Laura! Come on over here!" Shane looked back at us, " Guys, here are a couple of our coworkers that weren't in the office today. I want you to meet Mike and Laura."

The way Mike was hanging on Laura it was obvious that they were a couple. Laura was friendly right off the bat, but Mike was pretty reserved.

"Hey Shane, Hi guys!" Laura pulled up a chair and sat down. Mike stood behind her.

"How was Estonia?" Shane asked. Apparently they had just gotten back from vacation to Estonia, and proceeded to give us a detailed story about it as more beer arrived. They worked for our company as well, and were journalists by trade. They stayed for a few more minutes and left, and Shane got up shortly thereafter. "So you guys think you can catch a cab back to the hotel?"

"No worries Tovarisch!" Bob piped back. We had Shane's instructions on how to do it, should be no problem. We figured that we'd have a few more beers, and head back. At worse, we could always take the Metro.

A few beers turned into closing the place down. We were hammered, and the last to leave. The owners of the bar were our best friends in the whole world. and we wanted to hug them and thank them. Standing and walking turned out to be a sufficient challenge, so we left it at that. We staggered down the stairs, and went to the street to catch a cab.

Nothing. The city was empty. We were on a bit of a side street, so we thought that moving closer to a main street might help. We walked down the block towards the Kremlin, onto Okhotny Ryad, the main street.

Empty.

We stood on the curb, holding our hand out into the empty air for a while until our sodden brains figured out that this was futile. We crossed the street into Alexander Gardens and began walking to the Metro station. The gardens were alongside the Kremlin wall, and were part of the old moat that went along the side. One of the entry towers to the Kremlin goes over the gardens, just like it did when this was for defense. We passed under the tower bridge, out the gardens near Red Square, and went up the the Tetralnaya Metro entrance. This was the green line and would take us straight home.

And it was closed. The metro closed at 2, and our long walk through the gardens had taken too long to make it in time. We stood at the metro doors for a bit, not really sure what to do. The long walk had worn down some of the Guinness, so we were feeling a bit less invulnerable, As we figured, we were looking at a long walk across Moscow to the hotel, hopefully finding some fool along the way to pick us up and taxi us the rest of the way before we collapsed.

Along the road were a whole line of Kiosks, all shuttered for the evening, so we couldn't even get a beer for our walk. We started down the road when Paul looked back.

"Hey," Paul tugged on Bob's arm, "look! someone is still open."

I looked and saw that one kiosk way down the street had lights on, and a guy was standing out front. "Let's go, my watch says Beer O'Clock" I was willing to walk across Moscow, but hell if I had to do it sober. We trudged down the road toward the kiosk. It was odd seeing only one kiosk open among the whole army of steel boxes lining the road. We got to the kiosk and saw a short Russian standing outside, smoking, talking through the window to a black guy inside who was running the kiosk. I hadn't realized it until then, but this was the first black person that I had seen here.

We walked over, and the Russian puffed his cigarette and nodded at us, "Privet"

"Privet"

"Privet"

"Hi there!" Paul spoke no Russian at all. "How you guys doin?" Our cover was blown.

From inside the Kiosk, "You are Americans! Hello!" He spoke with a thick, melodic, African accent.

"Hi. Where are you from?" I asked.

"I am from Nigeria, I am an exchange student here," he held out his hand, "My name is Mubarak." He had a slight British accent in his English.

I shook his hand. "I'm Mark, this is Bob, and Paul. We're from Seattle."

"Seattle! Yes I know that, where there is Nirvana. Very good music." Mubarak turned and spoke in perfect Russian to his friend, then looked back at us, "This is Sergei, my friend from MGU"

Sergei spoke no English, but smiled and shook our hands. We bought a few beers and told Mubarak about coming to work in Moscow, and he told us about being a student at the university. Apparently a lot of African universities had exchange programs with Moscow State University, and he was loving studying in Moscow, Even if it was a bit colder than home, he joked.

Sergei lit another cigarette. Paul had kind of quit smoking when we left the states. "Kind of" meant that he wasn't buying any cigarettes, just bumming them off people. He made the international finger wave of "May I have one of your smokes" to Sergei. We were all a bit surprised. Not because it was rude to ask for a cigarette, no, that was fine. We were shocked becaus Paul didn't realize what Sergei was smoking. These weren't western cigarettes, these were Soviet era "Belamor Kanal's". Bob and I recognized them right away, since we had taken Russian language for a few years, and you pick up a lot of the culture when learning a language, but Paul had no clue.

The Belamor Kanal is the only cigarette in the world named after a forced labor project, and the cigarette is an insult to the project. It is 1/3 tobacco and 2/3 filter, but the filter is just a cardboard tube that you pinch at one end so you don't inhale any loose burning tobacco. They are harsh, smelly, but really really cheap. Puffing on a Belamor Kanal is to regular smoking is what getting tazered in the crotch is to making sweet, sweet love. So we were all watching Paul with anticipation.

He didn't know to pinch the tube to make the filter, and drew straight in. You could tell by his eyes that this was not what he expected the cigarette to be like. He coughed a little, choking on the smoke. Being an extremely polite person, Paul didn't want to show that this cigarette was killing him, so he forced a smile. "Than-" His airway was reflexively closing in an effort to save his life. He pounded his chest to breathe again, "Thank you"

We were all giggling at this point, and Sergei was loving it. Mubarak rolled his window closed, and came around from the side door of the kiosk with a bottle of something and some cups."Work is done. Time for a drink!" he held the bottle up. "Please, try some it is my favorite" and he poured out a shot for each of us. I looked at the bottle - it was a bright yellow label and some kind of Banana flavored liqueur. It didn't look promising, but we were not the types to turn down a toast.

Mubarak raised his glass and toasted, "To Mubrnehmarmmer!" I couldn't actually make out what he said, but just smiled.

Paul repeated what he heard, "To Motherfuckers!" and raised his glass.

"No, No," said Mubarak, "to Mother and Father"

Paul, unfazed said, "Well that's good too!" and we all drank. The banana stuff was as nasty as I imagined. a siclky sweet syrup, but it actually went down really easy. Drinking something that was easy in the stomach was probably a good plan after a long night of curry and beer. We kept toasting and pouring until the bottle was gone. We we all started walking away, Bob asked Sergei, in Russian, if he knew where we could catch a taxi. By luck one of Sergei's friends was close by with a car, and agreed to take us back to our hotel for $10. We shook hands with our new freinds and left.

Once back in the hotel lobby, Paul spoke. "You know, I liked my toast better."

The elevator finally rattled its way to the ground floor, and the doors slid open with a bang. It looked like it had seen better years, and most of those years apparently were 1963-1967. We all got in, and I looked at the button panel.

Shane pushed the button for 18, and it stuck in, with a mechanical CLACK. A little button popped out next to it.

“What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the smaller button.

Shane smiled, and pushed in the button for the fifth floor, it also stuck in, and when he pushed the smaller button, the main button popped back out. “It lets you cancel your floor choice”

This seemed backwards to me, until I realized that I can’t do that with a modern elevator. Funny. Shane then reached over, and held down a button marked “Khod” the Russian word for “Go”, and the doors closed and we started to go up. As we passed the Eighth floor, he held the GO button in again until we passed.

“Why did you hold the button in again?” I asked

“Shane looked over after releasing the button, “The call button on 8 is stuck, and the elevator always stops there. If you hold down the Go button, it ignores the Call on the floor.”

Made sense, “But what is someone is waiting on 8?”

“They usually walk down to 7 to catch the elevator, it’s faster.”

Anywhere else this would have been crazy, but this was Russia, and made perfect sense.

We finally got to our floor, and walked out of the elevator over to one of only four doors on the floor. It was a big steel door, and Shane rang the bell. We could hear an inner door unlock, see someone at the peephole, then the steel door was unlocked and creaked open. A small, blonde Russian girl was behind the door.

“Privet Shane. Oh, hi, you must be the new guys. I’m Irina, come on in.” Her English was better than mine, as if that was hard.

We went in, and found a nice little apartment.There was a small entry where Irina had her desk, with a hall leading away. I could see the kitchen at the far end of the hall. It was almost like the little bears nursery rhyme, with three rooms in a row off of the hallway. The first room had a couch and was for client reception. This seemed odd since out client for this contract was the government, and the couch was far too small for all of them, at least at once. The second room was for the three "bosses " who had their own desks here and their own space. The last room had a stack of unassembled desks, and a few unopened boxes with our equipment.

I looked out the window. we had an amazing unobstructed view of the best of Moscow. It was panoramic, we cols see Moscow state University, a view of the river to Gorky park, The Hotel Rossia, St. Basil's, The Kremlin, GUM, and everything in between. While I was gawking, Paul and Bob had already staked out their spaces. I got the last space in the room, near the window, and near the much too hot radiator.

We ended up calling the room 'The Boiler Room" and this was my home for about a year.